2017 My Beautiful Mess


Its funny how one of the best years of my life included a painful breakup, many financial hiccups and remaining at a job I swore I was leaving. Yet, this time has surpassed my wildest expectations. With tears streaming down my face as I write - 2017 without a shadow of a doubt was the best year of my life.

I learned I was much more than the things I wanted. God’s plan (far beyond any milestone or goal I could achieve) is to become the highest realization of myself - the identity God created me to be. My identity transcends my list of wants because it is not in some distant future it is here and now.

In 2017 I saw the real me.

I started the year ending a relationship with a man I thought I would marry. It had been many years since I was in a serious relationship, and I thought that this was it. However, I felt myself slowly drifting away from the joy I used to have before we met. I felt that I would have to change drastic parts of my personality in order for the relationship to survive. I knew that there was only tolerance for the good parts of me which is not the real me.

So I left. I choose me over the dream I was trying to force. I knew that if it was God’s will it wouldn’t be that hard.

Looking back I am astonished at my ability to make such a powerful decision. There was no blow out fight, everything was great but I knew in my soul it was not God’s best. The courage to make that type of decision came from years before the relationship. I took time to invest in myself and seek God. It was because I had practiced being still and I understood what peace felt like; thus I had the ability to recognize when I was compromising for less.

That choice changed my trajectory in 2017.

I couldn’t have imagined that while I was crying over another guy yet again on a bathroom floor that just around that corner were answered prayers. I co-created my first digital product, I re-launched my website, I learned what real rest looks like, I lived in central America for a month, I visited 5 countries, I overcame my body image issues, I started the soft launch of my second digital product and so much more. I learned to weather the storm. I saw the strength that was within me. I saw how Jesus will never ever leave my side.

Life is a beautiful mess. While there are so many tears there are so many blessings. I learned that the gifts of the spirit become fully active when we are living out our call. It didn’t matter if I was sad, low on funds or just got bad news as long as I was waking up every day and doing the work that God called me to do my soul had peace. When we are active about our calling, stepping out on faith and taking risk we see God move in a completely different way. We take our eyes off the things that cause us to worry at night and fix them on God. The irony is that in our biggest leaps of faith come our greatest sources of contentment.

Having gone through many ups and downs this year, I can honestly say I am not anxious when it comes to my love life or my future. It all went away.

God has a sense of humor, because if at the beginning of the year you would’ve told me I’d have a “break up class” I would’ve laughed in your face. Yet, that is exactly what is happening. I’ll be showing women how to recover from pain, find true love and meaning in life. I can’t wait!

I pray your 2018 is filled with growth, blessings and a new level of understanding who you are called to be!

Khaleeqa RouseComment