I spent a good portion of my late teens and early twenties being hurt. I was heart broken by relationships and choices that I had made. I didn't understand why life was treating me so unfairly. I was mad at my boyfriends, parents and environment for not living up to my expectations. It was easy for me to maintain a perfection persona, if I allowed myself to be the victim of my circumstances. I wore the mask of perfection for many years but I only fooled myself. I willingly made choices that put me in circumstances where I felt as if I was a victim. I choose my friends, I maintained relationships with men that were less than ideal and I choose not to work hard enough for my goals. It was me. In order to heal I couldn't continue to blame someone for breaking my heart, I had to take responsibility for breaking my own. Its human nature to go into defense mode after we have been wounded. We say things such as:
“He hurt me”
“She lied to me”
“I could never trust them”
“They wouldn't accept me”
However, we have to recognize the part we play in our victimization. The root cause of the problem lies in the esteem we have for ourselves. Do we believe that we are great and wonderful people? Or do we just accept what is handed to us? For so long I operated from the bottom up. I took the scraps, I was happy to receive minimal treatment from people. I couldn't articulate beyond my appearance why I was a worthy human being. That was because I found my worth in people and things instead of my God given qualities. It took a serious and purposeful series of investments in myself to bring out the self worth I now have today. Those investments included getting healthy, spending time volunteering and building a relationship with God. It was only when I removed the mirror of my worth from men and people and put it in the hands of my creator in whose image I was made in.
When we realize how beautiful, talented, special, healthy and wonderful we truly are we don't open the door to allow people to crap all over our lives, thus we don't become victims. When we understand and value our worth and we wont just let anyone come in and take that from us. God gives us discernment about people and situations that will compromise the strength and the love within us. No one is perfect and we sometimes fail and let the wrong person in, but just like cheating on a diet we have to take that responsibility. We can't be so willing to become victims for the sake of our egos.
Let's tap into a higher consciousness of our self worth and take responsibility for our destiny!
Share you thoughts. Have you ever played the victim like me? How were you able to find your inner strength and talents? What challenges do you have with letting people in your life?