The past two years of my life have been the most tumultuous years I have ever had to experience. I wish I could say I knew when this time period was going to end but right now I don't. I am currently getting my masters in waiting and my PhD in endurance. I have however, forged a new path and totally changed the trajectory of my life. I got a chance to really travel for the first time, finish an ironman and start a business that has been inside of me for years. I think my immediate family is closer then we've ever been and my relationship and understanding of God and faith is something that I have always dreamed of. However, the hard facts of this past two years still remain the same. I am a 27 year old women, living at home, unemployed and single. To even type that last sentence is heavy. Those are the facts of life for me right now. Family members and friends often tell me “Everything is gong to be ok,” “You are smart and beautiful there is nothing to worry about” and a slew of other encouraging words. However, I am often forced to ask my self will everything REALLY be alright? The answer is I do not know.
In some ways I see what they see. Not to toot my own horn but I am very smart and have degrees to attest to that, people enjoy being around me, I am attractive and kind and all of these attributes in our society should equal a win. But for me right now they do not. I thank God daily for all the things that he has given me. I don't take any of these qualities for granted but I do wonder what any of them have to do with the notion that “Everything will be alright.”
I don't just accept that answer. I question it. My faith in God teaches me about hope and expecting greatness which I do 90% of the time and then there is the other 10% of doubt. Additionally, I don't just believe in God or the talents he has given me to get something. I believe that God or the universe wants you to be happy right now where you are at. If nothing else were to change could I be happy with the way things are in this moment? Well at the moment I don't think I could be but I know I have the strength inside me to learn.
I often sit around and concoct reasons why things are like this, from “My blessings are right around the corner” to “God is bringing me through this to help others” usually this is the after party to the pity party. I believe these things to some degree. The degree to which I don't is in the moment of now. In the moment I always believe there is more I could be doing to change just one aspect of my life. I get into spurts where I apply to a million jobs, go on numerous interviews and lord knows how many dates for things to just remain the same.
So now at this juncture of my life I have come to the conclusion that things might not be alright. None of these areas may go how others expect them to go based on my beauty or brains. Regardless, I am here. I am in this for a reason. Good or bad come hell or high water I am getting better by the minute. Whether one day I own largest wellness/self-help empire on earth or stay in this small town I existed at my best for this time. And that to me makes everything alright.
Please share your thoughts? Are you going through a tough time? Do you feel like the end is far off? Leave your comments below.