How to get rid of Maybe Bae & Flaky Friends...
We have all been there at least once in our lives. You’ve met someone who you are interested in, you go on a few dates and everything seems to be going well. You have great conversation, the chemistry is there - smooth sailing all the way. You go on a few more dates, and then a few more after that and now you are beginning to wonder where this is heading. You like the guy, he is your type so you don’t want to spoil things by asking. Yet, you know that you need some clarity because you're looking to build a relationship. You don’t want to scare him, come off as needy or give him the impression that your biological clock is ticking; so you wait it out.
Well girlfriend, I know exactly what you are going through. I have had many “maybe baes”, untitled partners and guys who just pop into my life at a moment's notice and leave just as quickly. I would literally have a tribal counsel with my friends to determine what the status of my relationship was instead of asking the guy. I wasted so much energy trying to figure out what I was to my “maybe bae”, that I forgot to check in with myself. On top of that, when he finally did choose to commit I was so excited that I missed all of the warning signs that he might not be the one for me.
Well fortunately for you and me sis, I got wiser. I learned how to date on my terms and clarify the status of my relationships without the tribal counsel. And here is what I did:
Screen for Integrity
I could have weeded out many first dates (even relationships) if I had simply filtered men through an integrity barometer. Integrity is basically, “does this man follow through on what he says he is going to do.” Simple enough. Does he text when he says he will? Does he call at the time he agreed upon time? Simply put, does he make good on his word? The cool thing is, in the beginning all you have is someone’s word. So before there are talks of relationships and forever you can take notice. If a man does not follow through on his words, then chances are this same person will keep you in the grey area when it comes to defining a relationship.
You better put some R-E-S-P-E-C-T on it
Let me tell you sis, one thing that I have learned between today and dating in my early 20’s is that most people will only do to us what we allow. “Maybe baes” and “Flaky Friends” are allowed to be uncertain with us, drag us along for their games because we allow it. I noticed as I aged, got more confident about who I was; I didn’t feel worried about asserting my boundaries to my friends or the men I dated. Yes, to the wrong man (well, Khaleeqa he looks so good and has a great job - I know, I know) he will run from your boundaries and the respect you require. However, to the right one boundaries will actually create more respect and a closer bond. It’s like “I respect you enough to show you how to care for me properly.”
Worth, you are a queen boo!
Sometimes I cringe, thinking about all the heartache I could have avoided and all the “maybe baes” I should have said no to through the years. Much of that was rooted in the fact that I thought the minimum treatment was exceptional because I had such a low opinion of myself. I would celebrate the fact that he called me on time, got me a gift on my birthday or he made good on a promise he said to me weeks prior. While those things are nice, they truly are the minimum of being in a loving relationship. I had to take a break from entertaining a partner and learn how to love myself before I could show someone how to love me. I had to uncover the gems in my heart, so I knew how valuable they were when placed in another’s hand. The essence and quality that I brought to dating and friendships thereafter made it clear, and all “maybe baes” and “flaky friends” learned how to exit stage left.
Value is as value does
Ever stumble upon some cash on the street? You get excited, you look around and then you scoop that money up and keep it moving. Same is true for human nature. When you see something that is so good, you don’t sit around debate, you don’t call all your friends and ask what you should do - you lock it down! So if a friend, a date or anyone else doesn’t see your value and commit then maybe they are not meant to see your value. I know, it is tough love, but I have seen countless times in my own life and in the lives of people around me that you don’t have to convince someone that you are great. The right people will see it!
I am certain if you can discern your date or friend’s integrity, how they value you and then stand in your worth and respect you will no longer entertain a “maybe bae” or a “flaky friend”. Value, worth, respect & integrity are like like kryptonite to super flakes - they can’t withstand. Lastly, try not to be sad about their departure. When you clean house of people that are no good for you, you are making room for the people who are.
Have you gone through this experience before? I would love to hear how you dealt with your "maybe bae" or "flaky friend" leave your comment below!
I created a quick reference freebie for you here.
You got this sis!